Wednesday, January 23, 2008
ambivalence
met up with my other medics today. just chilled around and chit chatted and just shared our stories. i miss my buddies alot, cos in MOC, we would get to see each other everyday, and nowadays the only chance to see each other is if we stumble into each other at the hospitals.
thats a sign of how my social life has gone down the drain, when the only chance to see your friends is at the hospital. haha
it was such a welcome respite from the job, to see them, cos it's like, they really can understand what the feeling is whenever you get a phone call. they can really relate how the feeling is when you see lots of blood, or when you do CPR on a patient and only see assytole. in a nutshell, the feeling can be pretty fcuk-ed up.
but very slowly and surely, i can feel myself getting used to the job. it still scares the heck out of me, but less of the heck comes out now.
i still hate it though, when you're about to change shift and go home after a shift, when suddenly there's a phone call, and you have to attend.
oh! and there's a legend about eating paus during you shift. haha
am totally enjoying my 2 days off.
miss medic huh? lol. that's going to be abit hard, cos most medics are male. the only female ones are paramedics, and they're old enough to be my mum. urgh. hold the thought.
good luck with you and your miss max brenner though. haha. chocolatey, yum!
Monday, January 21, 2008
there's always a first for everything
4 cases today.
one DIB, one fall ( medical case ), one fall from height, and one collapse.
the last 2, the patients died.
one died in hospital.
the other was a DOA ( Death On Arrival ).
the fall from height case scared me. you could see how glazed his eyes were, how it seemed to be looking at something over my shoulder, yet looking at nothing at all. truth be told, you could almost see the life escaping from his eyes.
my senior medic had to ask me, " are you ok? " a few times when i kept quiet after the last 2 cases. in one day, i saw 2 people die. the DOA case made me very sad. you could see the relatives crying, and one family member actually fainted.
it's hard to separate work from the rest of my life. at home i can think and almost smell blood on my hands.
but i have to try and distance one from the other. if not, i think i could turn crazy. i have to try. some days it's hard, some days it's easy, cos ur way too damn tired to think about anything.
some days it's painful, when all your problems culminate into one big thing and hit you point blank.
during those days, i just feel like curling up into a ball and hide under my blanket.
there's this line that goes around;
the medic saves you, but who saves the medic?
who indeed?
i'm scared
Friday, January 18, 2008
RTA
53 people injured in two accidents along Pioneer Road.
The first accident involved three lorries in a chain collision that resulted in 51 people injured. Three of the injured were trapped in one of the lorries and had to be extricated by civil defence officers.
50 metres away, on the opposite side of the road heading towards Tuas, there was another collision that involved two lorries. Two people were hurt in that accident.
- From Channel Newasia
Alpha 141 was there. Major RTA
god
Thursday, January 17, 2008
the toilet is haunted
let me start this post with the words,
JI toilet is confirmed haunted. told the story with my mum, and when i was talking with her just now, she told me that one of her friends daughter also said that JI toilets are haunted. but there is a discrepancy. the daughter in question is a female, but i go to the gents toilet? Lol. woo. awesome, now i can't even pee or crap in peace.
going to sleep soon. night duty starts at 9pm, hafta be at JP by 1900.
Me, Fauzie and Faizal are at Jurong Island
Azam and Firdaus are at Jurong
Iskandar and Hafiz are at Bukit Batok
Guan Ming is at Ang Mo Kio
Dainial and Fahmy are at Central
Afiq and Razi are at Alex
Sholihin and Syed are at Paya Lebar
Nazrul is at Woodlands
Ridhwan is at Clementi
An update of cases my friend shared;
gang fight. 10 people hoot 1. ouch
some drunk guy who pee'd in his pants. dumbass
some guys who fell of their bicycle. another dumbass
suicide case. decomp body. damn shocking
how to save a life?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
budak pantai
2nd day working at jurong island ambulance post. switched to a post near the mainland, cos that's where the ambulances are placed.
my favorite part of the morning is the lorry ride, cos it somehow reminds me of those old world war 2 movies, where the soldiers would be boarding those big lorries, while they chew gum, smoke cigarettes and just look at each other, waiting to jump down from the lorry and start shooting people. haha
i like the ride cos it's open air, and i can just see the sun rise and the factories in boon lay.
finally know my ROTA. im in Rota 2, and i have to work wednesday and thursday night, 8pm to 8am. i also have to work with this paramedic whom everybody says is kinda grumpy and likes to nag. ah well *shrugs*
the ambulance post i am stationed in is rather cosy, with bunks. and i think the toilet is haunted. nyahaha! im not lying. kinda scary tale to tell. tml night shift some more. oh my tian! haha. the food there is expensive, which means i can jian fei too!
today had 2 cases that i remember.
1 trauma case near boon lay industrial estate (my post covers the whole boon lay and tuas areas, and sometimes even to Vivo). multiple fractures
1 case of collapse. but alpha 121 managed to reach before us, so had to u-turn
it's funny, cos everytime i go to MSN, my other medic friends will be like, comparing cases;
" how? got see blood today? "
" no leh. trauma only nia "
its' almost like comparing trading cards. scary sense of humor
my friend and i suggested, to pass time, we play shift chess, where we would play chess against one another, but the catch is, you can only move your piece during your shift. so basically, it will take 2 days for each of us to reply to the other's moves, cos when im off day, he's on duty. i think ORD also we won't be finished playing. lol
i want to watch "PS i love you". it's the movie adaptation from the book with the same name, written by cecilia ahern. i also want to read "Love in the time of Cholera". Lol
it's not easy, to keep it all together and just stop trying
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
jurong island
finally. POP-ed from 105th MOC. Earned that badge with my blood ( lots of it ), sweat ( even more ), and tears ( a bit only nia )
was abit bummed that i didn't get Best in Theory, cos i thought i had a chance. Haha. Even dan was like, " its your's la. if you get you treat me lunch ". but, it wasn't to be. haiz. nevermind, just do my best in station, and don't kill anyone can liao le.
first day of work.
instead of reporting to Bukit Batok, we had to report to Alexandra, cos there was a mix-up between divisions. 1st div is jurong island. 4th div is jurong fire. stupid CDA cockup.
collected the CA kit, and off we went to our respective fire stations.
jurong island -_-"
actually its ok, if you forget about all the plants etc, you can actually see the sea and see the sunset. and its very quiet at night.
very very tired.
and now cos of work, i think my schedule is all clusterfcuk-ed up. haha!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
just came back from sending my friends off. the feeling is rather heavy, when you imagine yourself to be with them, instead of bidding them goodbye and see you later.
it's the new year.
HMLS ( Hazardous Materials Life Support ) is on thursday.
Final Theory Test is on friday.
Final PAM ( Patient Assessment Model ) Practical Test is next wednesday.
Final Exercise is next thursday.
POP is next friday.
it's 2008.
for the most part, 2007 has been intensely unbelievable. it's the last few weeks that havent really been nice. some is because of my own dumb fault, some is just cos of pure dumb bad luck.
for my MOC problems, its the last stretch of the course. it still hurts that i didnt get selected, but theres still 4 awards that are up for grabs. Best in theory. Best in prac. Best trainee. Most Improved trainee. i know that i won't get most improved, cos one of my good friends will get that. i really hope he does. his transformation is amazing. in best trainee, i think it's a longshot, but i still pray. best in practical, i dun think i will get that. there are far better people in my class. best in theory, i shall not lie to myself. i want that very badly. i think i have a fair shot. will ace my final theory test.
but ultimately, i wish that my good buddy yasin will POP with me. if i had to choose between him and that award, i'd choose him.
secondly, the broken chinaware. i feel sad for my mum, so for my next pay im going to get her another new set. the least i could do for someone who's been there for me for 20 years without fail, and who makes breakfast for me everyday.
about my teddy bears, all broke except for one. at least i still have him. maybe i could start a new collection.
thirdly, my knee. truth be told, it's not getting any better. cos it's not really a good time to get injured, when you're in NS. i told marlon that i may want to go for surgery at the end of the year, when i have enough cash. so for the time being, im just going to bear with it
lastly, that problem. i won't ever be that stupid again. ever
Sha
I never saw a wild thing,
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough,
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
my outing with marlon
went to bugis with marlon on new year's eve.
guess i needed someone to just chit chat with.
he was like a welcome breath of fresh air after you've worn the CA suit for far too long
am very glad to have a brother like him.
i find it funny that we became close last time because we were both in the same boat, so to speak.
we both coined the term stoic together. the word stoic itself has its own meaning, but for us, it means, " strength.to.overcome.infinite.obstacles "
i forgot about that a while back, but he made me remember.
im so thankful i have him.
and taking a leaf out of his book, im intensely thankful for these few people too :
angela
kelly
marlon
sue
salleh
tatsiong
ai ling
sya
nasir
xuetinz
~the strong nv fail and nv die
