Saturday, April 21, 2007
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hmm, its' gonna be the weekend soon.. and i can't sleep..and i think i caught jies' emo bug

God i miss school argh! i seriously dunno how to explain this feeling..but i feel that in school, only in school, is where i can truly be me, truly belong.. haiz... i just hate to see the sight of school getting smaller and smaller when i go back...

i love to see people i know.. i love to see my friends in school.. but i absolutely hate it when i have to say goodbye.. cos i can't be sure when i can see them next time.. haiz..

i also have a love/hate relationship with CLS club.. i love to walk pass the club every time i have a chance to go to school, but i intensely hate it when there's no one there, or no one that i wish to see in club..like wasted.. lol..

but the guys have planned that at least, once a week, we're gonna go back to school to play soccer..and hopefully, really hopefully, next friday, there'll be a CLSA vs EEE soccer match to look forward to..

also, most of my friends have received their NS enlistment letters.. most of them are, july 13 or 14.. but i haven't received my letter yet.. normally, this would be cause for celebration..but i feel a certain sense of ambivalence.. i'm happy that i haven't got my letter yet? but i'm also sad that it hasn't arrived yet.. cos you see.. my honest opinion is that i wish to have time to train myself up physically and mentally for NS, as well, it ain't exactly the "banyan tree spa n resort" :) like wat cinD said, "go in boy come out man" ..lol..

however, i don't want this thing to drag for so bloody long.. i just want it to be over and done with as quick as possible.. i don't want to be going in when my friends are going out.. it'd give me some relief, and some vindicated pleasure that at least my friends are going thru the same crap as i am..hehe..so lets' say, we're all in the army toilet..at least i know i have less chance of being assaulted when im bending over and picking up a bar of soap.. hehe

anyway.. over the weekends im going to stay over at my grandparents's house.. it's been a long time since i slept over at their home..when was the last time..er..primary 4/5.. its very peaceful there..but due to the reconstruction works..its a bit noisy..but telok blangah is an old neighbourhood, so the pace there is relatively slow..

my grandma's been getting better this few days.. i've been calling her every night without fail, and from her voice, she's getting back to her usual self..but there are times when her voice sounds weak, and it pains me.. i dunno wat day is it..but we were talking, and she cried, cos she said i was sounding all grown up, and that instead of her taking care of me, now im taking care of her..

i nearly tear-ed when i heard that, cos my mind whooshed back to when i was small.. my granny n gramps took care of me when i was small, til i was 4 years old.. i remember my gramps teaching me how to make roti prata..lol.. and i remember my granny scolding me cos i dirtied my shirt while eating a orange ice-lolly.. i also remember them bringing me to the world trade centre..and walking past the sea..

those were good times, great times when your shoulders aren't burdened with the problems of adolescence and adulthood..when sweet things and cartoons were the main focus of your life..

i seriously have to thank them both, cos if not for them, i think i would have grown to be an asshole or worse, a MAT... im not perfect, i have alot of flaws, but i am happy with the way i am now..

so,

"Granny, Gramps, Sha Loves You Both" <3