Monday, December 05, 2005
boys day out
hey, first of all, im very very very sorrie for leaving my blog to dry..its been so long without any posts and stuff, etc...kinda busy with stuff..i apologize..

many things happened in the past week..some i would like to keep to myself..some i would like to share..

hmm, had two tests lately..QAAS..got 17/20..syukur jugak arh...second test was ChemEng..i don't know how much i got.and frankly, i dun really want to know..i noe i sucked..end of story, goodbye ,the end..im hopeless..

had my tkd contest on saturday..i won 3rd place ya noe..am kinda proud..cos its gonna be my last foray into tkd..medical reasons..shit..sumthing happened at nite, during the celebrations, but that is for me to noe..for u guys to never find out..

then on sunday , me and zad went to expo to see the sports sale..wat a load of crap to tell the truth..so we decide to go to queensway..in the end bought a nice training kit..for running and playing soccer arh..cos inter-cons are in december and i may be playing..hope so..hafta practise..the shirt was damn nice..but it cost 40 bucks arh..duit ari raya hilang..bye bye..right now i think im gonna focus on sports and studies..considering that my personal life is spiralling into shitville..its always the same ah..

went i reached home at nite. i stumbled on sumthing..it hurt like hell..i tot i was prepared for this eventuality, but in the end..i wasnt.. i really dunno wat to do.i really am at a loss.. i really should haf expected it, shud haf seen the signs..should have steadied myself..should have made preparations..should have done something! for gods' sake..i dunno wat to do..i dunno.. i dunno.. i spent the whole nite muling it over..replaying the past over and over..wondering wat mistakes i did to cause all this to happen..wondering whether i deserved all this.wondering why i am on this path..i noe that im not one of gods' favorites, that i noe.but im just trying to repair the past.. " if u dwell on the past, you miss out on the future"..but " the actions of yesterday affect the outcome of today".. i felt like crying..felt like giving it up..felt like running far away to a place where problems are non existent..which is just a hopeless escapade..for everybody noes that there is no such place..

i dwelled on it for a long time..and yet i have found no answer..i feel so drained..wat more can i do?

" if shes' happy, then im okay".. now it just seems like an empty quote..wat about my happiness? does anybody care? i guess not..

i dunno how i can face tmr at school..its gonna hurt like hell..